Ask My Mom How She Is

Another beautiful Poem

My mom, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.

Ask my mom how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my mom how she is,
She'll say "I'm Alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?

Ask my mom how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.

Ask my mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm coping,"
For God's sake mom, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get here, Mom,
With all those lies you told!"

Just some thoughts

So I hate it when people tell me "atleast you have Jaxen now" like it is going to make me forget or get over losing my SweetPea..I also get the "are you gonna try for a girl?" ok uh NO I have 4 boys that I adore & I feel like my Angel was a girl cuz I had 3 healthy boys b4 her & 1 after so to me SweetPea was a girl & instead of risking another miscarriage just in case I can't carry girls I am fine & happy with my boys..but Thanks for asking..ugh..

Ok onto other things now that I got that off my chest..lol..I feel like I am a lil obsessed with buying whatever I can to remind me of my SweetPea whether it be jewelry or just lil keepsakes for her memory box I seem like it will never be enough..I sadly only have 1 pic of her & it was an ultrasound 2 days b4 she died so she was so lil being only 7 weeks so I feel like I need things "for" her..I know weird, maybe one day I will think ok thats enough but I doubt it..lol...

Has anyone else ever felt this way? Do you think enough will ever be enough?

You were my little bean,
that was created in my womb.
I laid in bed at night excited,
and now I'm full of gloom.
I never understood how much
you could miss someone you never met.
And now my heart aches so bad,
that it fills me with regret.
Was there something I did wrong?
How could this come to be?
Your little face, your hands, your feet,
is something I'll never see.
I loved you oh so much,
its something that cannot be explained.
Now these feelings of anger and jealousy,
make me feel ashamed.
You are my angel baby,
and that I know is true.
God is holding you now,
and listening to you cue.
You are in Heaven looking down,
watching mommy cry.
I wish you were here,
but then I know that this is not goodbye.
~Copyright Sarah Twigg

Just Those Few Weeks

For just those few weeks I had you to myself. And that seems too short a time to be changed so profoundly. In those few weeks, I came to know you... and to love you. You came to trust me with your life. Oh what a life I had planned for you! Just those few weeks... when I lost you, i lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations. A slice of my future simply vanished overnight. Just those few weeks... It wasn't enough time to convince others how special and important you were. How odd, a truly unique person has recently died and no one is mourning the passing. Just a mere few weeks.. And no "normal" person would cry all night Over a tiny unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day. No one would, so why am I?? You were just those few weeks, my little one. You darted in and out of my life too quickly. But it seems that's all the time you needed to make my life richer and to give me a small glimpse of eternity. ~S. Erling

Angel of my Tears

How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
Ah! My little baby,
you lived like anyone!
Life's a burst of joy and pain.
And then like yours, it's done.
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.
~Author Unknown.